It is the day before surgery and I have lots of thoughts running through my head. The one that screams the loudest is the voice that says you don’t need this surgery. You have lived the last few months just fine. I have become used to the device attached to my body. It has become a part of my everyday life and routine. It has started to fade into the background. Something I don’t notice all the time. I know in my mind it doesn’t belong there but I am fine with it. I don’t want to go through the pain it takes to correct the problem. I can keep living this way no problem.
As these thoughts have been rolling around in my head it makes me wonder-What else in my life am I hanging on to? What things have become part of my normal everyday life but really don’t belong there? What have I accepted as true and normal that is really a lie and not part of God’s plan for my life? These things I have accepted may even be good things but they are not things meant for me or God’s plan for me. Maybe even some things were once meant for me but I have hung on to them well past the time they were good for me.
As I open my eyes to this truth, I wonder why I hold tight to the comforts of this world and my past? Comfort is my goal. I want to satisfy my own selfish desires. I want to be comfortable and safe and everything to be free of risk. I want abundance and freedom but I don’t want to pay the price. I want to be whole and healthy but I don’t want to do the work it takes to get there. As a Christian, isn’t my life supposed to be without trial and hard work?
These last several months have taught me a few things. Proverbs 16:9 says In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. I am so thankful for this. Because of my short sightedness and wanting to avoid painful growth, I am glad I have a God who creates beauty from ashes. A God who uses every circumstance to grow me and show His love. He in no way caused the pain but instead He is using it to refine me. Thankfully I can lean into Him and trust Him as He directs my steps. I know He has a plan far greater than anything I could ever imagine.
I am so much stronger than I ever knew. This is only because I have the power of the Holy Spirit. The same spirit that raised Christ from the dead is alive in me. I am empowered in all circumstances to stand firm in Christ. It is because of this power I am able to forgive the mistake that landed me in the position of needing this surgery. Romans 8:11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
God knows and understands my fears, thoughts, and feelings. He grieves with me. He rejoices with me. He holds me tight in those moments when it feels hard. When I feel alone. I know He is there always. ALWAYS. Even when I don’t feel it. Trust me I am a person who feels deeply and wants to FEEL His presence at all times. What I do know and what He has shown me is He is present even when I don’t know it. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
So on this day before surgery I am choosing to listen to the small still voice. The one that says to me you are loved. I am with you. I know you are not looking forward to this day but I will bring beauty from ashes. On the other side He will do a new thing. This new thing will be so much more and so much better than I could ever plan, hope, or imagine. I am choosing to let go of the fear and live a different life.
Press forward through the pain. Shedding the old and welcoming the new. Today I rest in Him! Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.